The Newton Woodchuck Project

Does anyone remember that movie from almost 10 years ago, the Blair Witch Project? Remember how those kids sat around in the woods really freaked out with flashlights shining on their faces? Well that's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Except I'm not in the woods. And it's not dark out so I don't need a flashlight to dramatically light myself. And I don't have a runny nose or a video camera. But I am oh so scared.

Every time the house creaks or the girls make a noise I'm on high alert looking which way and that to plan my escape/find an effective bludgeoning instrument to survive the woodchuck attacker. As of last night Tim almost had me convinced that the woodchuck had left and it was just a little ground squirrel in the library. See this is why our relationship works so well. Tim makes up completely irrational stories to explain away things he doesn't want to deal with. And I support him in this by being stupidly gullible. For the most part it works for us. That is until I go and do something like take Molly's potty stool out to peek in the window of the library. It's very hard to be gullible when you are looking right at the woodchuck.

Now tonight Tim will return home (well, unless he reads this first and then I'll bet he'll make every effort not to), and I will demand that he take care of the situation. Yes, I could and really should do it myself. But I see claiming to be a sissy around wild animals as being one of the perks of being a girl. The cons of course include menstruating and never being able to beat your husband at arm wrestling competitions. Tim will try and convince me that I don't know the difference between a woodchuck and a ground squirrel, and that it was yes, a really big ground squirrel. I will act all insulted for him thinking I'm stupid, even though technically I was stupid last night, and sulk around the house. Then he will eventually give in and try to fix the situation.

Of course, my day will not be complete unless I share this gem with you that he told me on the phone this morning when I called after the woodchuck visual. "Just calm down. It gives you something to blog about."